Toothbrush
by Catching A Common Cold
Summary: "But it was! It was so farfetched and irrelevant to the conversation that . . . I just had to retaliate."  "By chasing her with a toothbrush."  "Oh, don't scoff at me. It was the only thing I had on me at the time."   Lily/James oneshot. All dialogue


_**A/N: An all dialogue story, Lily/James pairing. Enjoy and tell me what you think.**_

"Ugh!"

"Why, hello Evans. Lovely day, isn't it?"

"Well, Potter, I wouldn't know, because I am currently locked inside a broom closet!"

"Hmmm, and why is that you are in a broom closet?"

"Because those rotten friends of yours- wait, why are YOU in a broom closet?"

"Because those 'rotten friends of mine' thought it would be hilarious to push me in here."

"Are you sure you don't have anything to do with it?"

"Why would I purposely lock myself in a closet?"

"Well . . ."

"Wait- you honestly think I'm desperate enough to persuade my friends to lock me in here and then push you in?"

"Maybe."

"Ugh. Well, thanks for the vote of confidence, Evans."

"Sorry."

". . ."

"Hey, Potter?"

"Yes, Evans?"

"Who was the girl you were walking around the lake with?"

"Who?"

"You know, the one with the blonde hair, green eyes, small figure, walked with a kind of limp, if I remember rightly, kept looking around as if looking for someone, in Hufflepuff I think . . . That one."

" . . . I find it a little unnerving that you pay that much attention to the girls I walk around the lake with."

"I do not!"

"Really? Well, what was that girl I was walking with wearing? Because I still can't quiet remember who it was."

"She had a pink cardigan on and a Black skirt, with silver flats and a grey headba – hey! You tricked me, no fair!"

"Ha! See, you do pay that much attention! You know, Lily, I don't think green suits you too much. I much prefer red."

"Oh, shut it, James! I am just an observant person."

"Sure Lily. And by the way, that was my cousin, Molly."

"Oh."

"Yeah."

". . ."

"Lily?"

"Yes?"

"Why we're you chasing Alice around with a toothbrush the other day?"

"What- you- ah, you saw that?"

"Yes, I did. But that is not exactly answering my question. Why?"

"Ah, she, erm, she said something inappropriate and I was simply giving my views on the matter."

"By chasing her with a toothbrush?"

"Err, yeah."

"And what was it that she said that was inappropriate?"

"Oh, just something."

"Well, that was specific."

"Mmhm."

"No, really, what was it?"

"Why do you want to know?"

"Well, you've got me curious now . . . and I might have heard my name mentioned in all the screaming you were doing."

"Screaming? I was not screaming! I was barely yelling, little-own screaming."

"If I remember correctly, McGonagall herself thought that you were screaming."

"She did not."

"Oh, yeah? I remember she said, and I quote, 'Lily Evans, you stop that excessive screaming at once, or you will get a weeks' worth detention!'"

". . . That was a very good impression of McGonagall."

"You're avoiding the question."

"Damn, I thought you wouldn't notice."

"Lily."

"Don't shake your head at me, Potter."

"Back to surnames, are we Evans?"

"We never stopped using them."

"Yes we-"

"No, Potter, we didn't."

"But-"

"_Potter."_

". . . You're kind of sexy when you growl like that."

"I was wondering when you were going to start acting like your usual, arrogant, egotistic, toerag self."

"Why do you insist on putting the word 'toerag' in all of your insults directed at me?"

"I think the word suits your perfectly."

"And I think-"

"Wait, you know how to think? I think I'm going into shock!"

"Hey, I know how to think! May I remind you that I'm the only person in our year that is getting higher grades than you in Transfiguration?"

"Hmph."

"That shut you up fast."

"What was that, Potter?"

"Oh nothing, Lily, nothing."

"Whatever. What's the chance that Black is going to let us out before Dinner?"

"Not a chance, he's probably already forgotten we exist."

"Damn it! I really don't want to be stuck in here with you as company."

"What the hell, Evans?"

"Oh, don't look so hurt, you knew I hated you."

"No, I knew you disliked me, I never thought you . . . hated me."

"Oh, well, sorry, I do."

"That apology didn't sound very convincing."

"Imagine that."

"No need for sarcasm, Miss Evans."

"Who says I'm being sarcastic?"

"Err, me?"

"'Cause that was _so _funny, and all."

"There you go with that sarcasm again. You know that it's the lowest form of wit, right?"

"Potter, like you would know anything about wit."

"_. . ."_

"That's funny, Potter, that coughing fit _almost _sounded as if you were saying Transfiguration. You wouldn't have said that, would you now?"

"Err, I, um, no, of course not Evans. Now why don't you just put the wand _down?_"

"Don't tell me what to do Potter!"

"Fine, Evans, fine."

"Good."

". . ."

". . ."

"So, why were you chasing Alice around with a toothbrush?"

"Ugh, Potter, seriously! Move on."

"Not until you tell me what she said."

"No."

"Yes."

"No!"

"Yes! Come on, it couldn't have been that bad!"

"But it was! It was so farfetched and irrelevant to the conversation that . . . I just had to retaliate."

"By chasing her with a toothbrush."

"Oh, don't scoff at me. It was the only thing I had on me at the time."

"Well, what was it that she said that was so irrelevant that you had to threaten her with toothbrushes?"

"Now you're being sarcastic."

"And you're avoiding the question."

"Yes."

"Lily."

"Oh, shut up James, it has nothing to do with you."

"Well why were you saying my name then?"

"Oh, I, err, I meant another James."

"Another James Potter, hey?"

"Yes."

"I see."

". . ."

". . ."

"Stop looking at me like that, Potter."

"Only if you tell me what she said."

"No."

"Yes."

"No."

"Yes."

"No."

"Yes."

"No."

"Yes."

"No!"

"Yes!"

"My Merlin, Potter, it wasn't even that important!"

"So why won't you tell me!"

"Because I don't want to."

"Just tell me!"

"Ugh, fine! We were talking about our crushes and she told me that you loved me. Happy?"

"Mildly. But what was my name doing in the conversations about crushes?"

"Ah, um, who said your name was in the conversation?"

"I figured it was, seeing as I doubt she just randomly came out with my name while you were talking about crushes."

"Well, you've always had a crush on me, haven't you? So, that's where it came from."

"Why does it sound like you just made that up on the stop?"

"I have no idea what you're talking about, Potter."

"Fine, be stubborn then."

"I will."

"..."

"..."

"..."

"Okay, so maybe I lied."

"I figured."

"Don't be so sarcastic about it, please."

"Righto. So why was my name in the conversation?"

"Because I, err, you see I, erm, well the truth is, ahh-"

"Spit it out Lily!"

"'swhyshetoldmethatyoulovedme."

"I...what?"

"Don't make me say it again, Potter."

"You- you mean to say that you have a crush on me? After the last three years that I've spent trying to make you fall in love with me, and just as I give up you develop a crush? Really?"

"Well, yeah, I can't exactly control it, can I Potter? It just happened."

"But- you- Ugh. I can't believe you didn't tell me."

"Are you kidding me? I can't believe I actually _told _you! What was I thinking?"

"What do you mean?"

"Well, now that you know, I have to listen to the 'let down speech'."

"Uhh, the 'let down speech'?"

"You know, the whole 'I'm really sorry, but I don't return the feelings because I have another girl on my mind. But, hey, we can still be friends'. That speech."

"You honestly think I'm going to give you that speech?"

"Of course. Your James Potter, you must have used that speech a thousand times after every girl smitten by your charm confessed her love for you."

"Well-"

"And so you must know it off by heart, so you won't have any problem reciting it."

"Lily, honestly-"

"So, go on. Hit me with it, because I'd much rather it be over and done with as soon as-"

". . ."

"Do you, ahh - um, do you kiss all the girls your letting down?"

"I'm not letting you down Evans."

"Of course you are. You just told me that you decided to give up on me. Plus, I saw your expression when I told you I like you. It wasn't a pleased one."

"How could you have possibly seen my expression? It pitch black in here!"

"That's beside the point. The point is-"

". . ."

"Damn it, Potter, stop kissing me!"

"James."

"Huh?"

"My names James; use it."

"Fine, _James_, stop kissing me."

"You enjoyed it."

"Did not!"

". . ."

"Mmmm, okay, so maybe I did."

"Exactly."

"_Sigh._ I suppose I'll have to thank Alice now, won't I?"

"And Sirius, he was the one that locked us in the closet."

"Now, James, let's not get carried away."

"Right, of course. What was I thinking."


End file.
